My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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