i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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