I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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