dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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