I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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