im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
