My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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