There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
