And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
