You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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