By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize