yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
