"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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