Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
