could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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