Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize