when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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