put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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