i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize