I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
