If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
