im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
