Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
