i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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