i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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