at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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