Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
