We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
