My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
