WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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