U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
