dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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