i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
