Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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