I hate all girls vehemently.
She said her name was "party"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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