So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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