What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would fuck him just for his dog
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
