apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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