Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
