She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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