Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
