For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
