my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
