the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
