if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
