Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
