he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
These tits shall not be calmed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
