my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
