I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
