I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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