Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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