i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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