we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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