so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
