hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
