Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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