y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
