so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize