I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
