woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Everclear isn't food dammit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
