yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
