Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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